All bets are off

Today I woke up to the tree trimmers at the park placing bets. One guy obviously bet with his heart instead of his head as the others pointed out how he always loses and should take the points. He refused the spread and went with the bet, despite their incredulous reactions. I just thought- that guy must be a browns fan.

I now have 17 chickens and three turkeys in the brooder house. I should be setting up some fencing soon so they can have some fresh air and I can teach them how to roost. With winter coming up, it's nice to know ill have fresh eggs... And something to care for and stare at.

I am feeling very uneasy about my job as I realizations through the company finally set in that our cost benefit analysis shows more cost than benefit. Depressing. But with more overhead than your average place, like acres and acres of overhead, it's hard to keep your head above water. I feel as though I'm in a terribly stressful chess game where I'm waiting for my opponent to move, but there's only thick silence from the other side of the table.
I have a crew that's dedicated and hard working. I just need a formula that is profitable.

I am trying not to get too down, but I really like my job and I want to succeed. Things that are out of my control frustrate me. So I am here, pinching pennies by buying flour and yeast. Dammit, I'll make my own bread. :) Now as long as my numbers were right on that cost and baking is anything like cooking, this should be fun and profitable. I fear it might not be as easy as I imagine.

Anyway, nick has a few pigs out back. They are both terrifying and enticing at the same time. I feed them split tomatoes and they look at me with upturned lips that I can't figure out if it's a snarl or a smile. Or maybe that's just how their faces look.
Soon I will be getting whey from my goat cheese lady to feed to them. But I am in an epic hillbilly battle, unbenounced to me, with the guy who brought the pigs. He hated the goat I gave nick and was yelling at me while I picked tomatoes. Nick wanted to keep the goat. Then one of my sheep got sick so I put it in nicks barn but that threw this dude into a fit of rage because he thought I was just makin fun of how much he hates that goat. Hillbilly drama.
I just dont like being yelled at.

Ok. It's time for a shower and a list. And maybe driving out to the middle of a field to drink a beer an listen to the silence. I need to clear my head.

Sad owl. Jumpy jane

In the most conspicuous spot, I hung sad owl. I found this little print in an antique store. It's a small owl perched on nothingness with a white background and he most sad look on his downturned face. Sometimes it looks serene, like a turkey going limp when he's upside down in the kill cone. It's my favorite albrecht durer print and it was a gem to find on a sunny north Carolina day with my mom as she rifled through boxes and boxes of old costume jewelry.
Sad owl calms me down.

I recently hit the point of exhaustion where I could sleep for days. But for some odd reason yesterday as I dragged myself to work, I got the strangest second wind where I felt like I was super caffeinated but I didn't have coffee but i was super energetic. Weird. Kinda reminded me of a runners high like tha one day I decided to try a treadmill and then was so shocked I actually liked it that I did t want to get off.
But then I wonder if it's high blood pressure. Great. Stupid no health insurance. Or maybe it's anxiety as I can't do anything right. I'm not sure if I have too much responsibility or expectations are too high.  I did make some delicious meatball subs and chicken Parmesan wih homemade sauce to calm my nerves. Tonigt I might cook a ham. And reubans. Mmmmm

Today I have a car filled with boxes and boxes of Amish canner tomatoes. All I need is some garlic, oregano and salt and maybe a few secret spices and I'll have enought sauce to last me until next summer... Maybe.

George is gone now and I'm foster dogless and trying to detox in order to get my jumpiness in the middle of crush season down. No soda, no double shots. No beer... Well at least for one night. Maybe two. But tonight is wine and chocolate where laura and I go through and find the perfect pairings of some oddly flavored chocolates (lavender?) and then proceed with the night slightly buzzed with a sugar high. So much for detox.
And I got a french press so I can stop paying so much money for crappy gas station coffee. Organic fair trade and turning on the burner kinda warms my house a bit since I'm boycotting turning on my electric heaters. Not looking forward to that bill, but gas is included in rent... So I'm going to try my hand at baking again. A warm apartment that smells like fresh baked bread sounds wonderful.