Up for auction

I wake up in a half groggy still dreaming haze as the amethyst sky hints at a sun somewhere beneath the snow laden early morning clouds. Bare trees sway with black bark fully exposed mimicking the veins over a diagram of a heart.
I ache with that feeling of getting sick, ball in throat and muscles calling out for a good stretch and rest.
But I cannot rest. Even laying here I think about my blessed half day off and how much work needs done in just a few hours. The bones and skin of a new greenhouse are on ground covered in frozen rain as I wait a little longer for the sun to peer out and burn the ice off.

I am overall uneasy about my shitty little apartment. I had dreams of it burning down and a week later the absolute auction signs went up.
I'm not sure who would purchase this liability. Nothing has been tended to in years. Rent checks get cashed but the roof continues to leak and I think he paid some kids to stomp around up there with black paint cans because after the "roofers" were done, water poured continuously in my kitchen, even when it didn't rain.
Another auction signs went up by a call center I worked a temp gig at. I thought of those women who valued their decent paying call center jobs as though selling heaters and collect able coins was a great career. And I'm not sure if they actually did but every caller got the most sincere -I care- attitude about their complaint from the other end of the phone. I input names into a data base, I can type 55 wpm and do numbers in excel without looking. The company bought us BBQ and even invited the temps down to lunch. I thought for a minute that it might not be a bad place to work.

Seems like the whole town is for auction bit by bit.

So my habitat where I live as cheap as I can is crumbling around me. But my sense of self continues to fortify.

I have been enjoying the dichotomy of my two jobs. I'm trying to bank up enough money to feel comfortable enough to have kids. I feel as though I've waited well past that young and dumb stage where you just figure it out as now I look at the numbers and it doesn't seem possible. Being able to afford health insurance is indeed step one.

I have settled into wine making at my new spot with a force unknown to myself. It's challenging and physical and expanding my mathematical skills and problem solving. I also have changed the dynamic of who I work with, an exercise which I love greatly. I don't like when people pick on each other, even if they say it's in fun, I think people are always more sensative than they let on. Each joke has an element of truth and I don't think that culture makes for a very cohesive work environment. Once I figured this out, I turned a cold shoulder to those remarks and the whole atmosphere has shifted and lightened. I like it. I feel like I'm thriving.
At the restaurant I have weaseled into an odd position of making everything run smoothly without taking credit. I bumped my pay more than server pay and I get to play in the kitchen, ease the tension between chefs and work on sauces, wait a few tables, tend bar, and help everyone. It's challenging in a different way but I feel like part of something dynamic and fun.

Ok. The greenhouse assembly can be put off no longer. Back to work.