Repeat

I can't stop listening to the same song over and over again. Like one more play will solve the magnetic mystery of its hold on me. Like a crazy obsessed puzzle master trying to put the pieces together.
The voice, haunting in its melancholy and I feel the freight train running through the middle of his head is stuck on the same tracks rumbling over and over in mine. The effortlessness of distain. Again. Listening to catch the drum stick clacking on the side if the snare, the plunk of a muted guitar chord not allowed to voice it's full breadth and width. A howl responded with a minimalist synth two note as though that would stop the pull of the heart strings. Again.

I am just finishing a vacation to the ocean.  Usually the pull of the tides calms me but this time around did not cool my desire. The ocean was angry. The tides whipped hard ad the fear was lingering heavy in the salty thick air. I sank into the sand, catching crevices I would rather not, sinkin into myself deeper as the gulls circled and I tried to immerse myself into a book to wander my brain.

But now back in ohio I find myself still sinking deeper, falling into the odd cloudiness this land is beautiful with. I drew my finger nails over freshly reddened skin, scratching at first for an itch and then out of a twitch and now continue to scratch out of compulsion to the point of raw skin.

Repeat. The click of the snare. Muted picking guitar. Something nagging my brain that I can't put my finger on. Clawing at me.

And the rain follows the clouds. Two days before back to work. Two days to sink into myself. To claw, explore, repeat. And repeat.