I am completely wrecked right now and I have no idea how to start to put myself back together. I'm not sure what shifted, where I went wrong, what's missing. I cannot get my head right and I'm trying so hard to figure it out.
I'm doing all the things for a reset. I'm trying to pull back, write, straighten my head, workout, run, walk, go into nature, get out of my fucking head but I can't.
Obsessive thoughts are rough. I keep circling around and around and there's no way to stop it.
I'm not even sure how it happened. Was I manipulated? Or was I being manipulated? Why did I sink so far down a mind fuck rabbit hole that I got so turned around. Is it the stress that's beating me down? Desire for someone to protect me? Want for attention? What the fuck is wrong with me?
I can't stop thinking about what ifs and questioning why I do the things that I do. Wondering where I should go from here. My mind has created this entirely complete fantasy and I realize it's not real but I'm still stuck in it. Is it the tension from not knowing? Or is it something else.
I feel like I'm unraveling. How do I stop and put myself back together? Can I stop and put myself back together? I'm pushing just a little bit to see where I could go, the feedback has been minimal which means it is all in my head. And would I even want to make any big changes right now. Am I just self-sabotaging? What is missing that I am creating alternative worlds in my head? What am I trying to escape? Or is it about something else?
