So, I don't know. I haven't blogged in quite a long time, I guess partially because I completely hate the word "blog" and partly because I don't have the internet at home.... certainly not for lack of content. I think once you're out of journaling for awhile, it's tough to get back in, but then again, transitions were never my strong suit.
In any case, here I am at work, staring out the window at what looks to be a beautiful sunny day but in all actuality, it is brutally cold on the other side of my big picture windows. My bosses are taking a long cocktail lunch and I'm pacing around trying to decompress from a terribly stressful morning visit courtesy of the state of Ohio licensing compliance board. I guess I'm in charge of a lot, but it's one of those jobs that "anyone can do" and therefore, they do not pay much. I bullshit online a lot, but kinda check and make sure that we are in compliance with the different states that we operate in and file quarterly reports and blah blah blah. Point being, it's one of those things that no one really notices until something goes wrong.
Not like anything went terrible this morning, but a short stocky guy with a wheeze came in with super amazing glasses and at least 30 years my senior and much the wiser for it. He came in and talked with my dude-boss for about an hour before I got paged into his office. It doesn't take much to get me shaking like a leaf and in a matter of 4.8 seconds after one question, I swore I kinda almost peed myself. I guess there was a compliance issue that I thought was resolved but indeed was not resolved and we were out of compliance and my boss was flipping.... but then after a half an hour of my heart in my throat, I remembered what I knew all along; that I knew what I was doing and we actually didn't need it.
And I have no idea why I'm spouting this all out into the cyber-world. Maybe I am just reaffirming why I don't keep a blog and haven't kept one in so long... namely because I'm boring and all I can talk about at work is work. So I guess this is the part where I move on to my personal life.
I think the major thing that is going on right now (being winter, the most boooooring time of year in Ohio) is that I just started class. Granted, it's one class at the local college and I just found out that it counts for absolutely nothing, but whatever. I like being in school and learning stuff all the time. I get stagnant and not fun if I sit around for too long. So I signed up for some journalism class thinking maybe I would get back into school and become a magazine writer or something. I don't know.... why not pile on the worthless majors. This week it's magazine journalism, last week I wanted to go back for interior design, a year ago I was going to Akron for anthropology... I think I'm cursed with the too many options and not enough focus disease.
In Germany, students at the ripe age of 14 must take a test which will determine what they are going to do with the rest of their lives. (yeah, stress?) This test is administered in 9th grade and whatever your marks are determines if you will continue on in school or if you will move into an apprenticeship with someone who is pursuing the field that you are to enter.
I guess modern day Germany is no match for just a few centuries back with the major social stratification of the proletariat vs. the bougeois where your family would determine your place in the world (oh fuck, I'd be making finn tubing for air conditioners and refrigerators in a dank garage out back 10 non-working cars for the rest of my life... or on the other side of my family, i would be an engineer for airplanes, which I guess wouldn't be terrible... but then again, I would probably just be the little housewife of an engineer.)
I think that the point of my indecision is not that I do not have the ability to do anything, but rather the possibility to do too many things.
The problem with searching for a job is the actual decision and convincing myself that this is what i'm going to do ---for the rest of my life life life ....
It's terribly scary and I tend to get bored of things after about a year, which sucks because then I'm a novice at everything, expert of nothing. That and the fact that all the things that I want to do are the typical things that every twenty-something year old girl dreams of doing... well, plus an aviary that I tote around with me. This only means that there is a huge pool of twenty something girls who would love to start up a bistro or work as a freelance writer or at a vet clinic or whatnot. What ambitious young whelp is going to say "oh god, how I would love to work the front desk of a mortgage broker business in -shittown- ohio, making a salary that's well below the poverty line".
I think this whole rant is spawning from the cruel and utter embarrassment that I was dealt yesterday, staring at the floor, in front of the entire class on the first day of school.
It was one of those dumb assignments that everyone hates where you interview one of your classmates; find out their hopes and dreams and where they grew up and whatnot in 5 minutes and then just give the highlights while people pretend to be interested.
Mine kinda went...
Name: Janee
Employed at: mortgage broker's office
Major: Undecided
Career Goals: Undecided
Why you took this class: Undecided
Something Unique: uh.. I own 50 birds.... although my ever-sweet interviewer when introducing me to the class emphasized the "really, total weirdness" of this to which the entire class responded with laughter, which I guess means that they were awake which is kinda good, but it just meant that I stared more intently at my shoes as all the blood from my quickly beating heart rushed to my face. As I scurried back to my desk, I thought over and over -why didn't I just say I'm janee who wants to write a novel who likes drinking beer or I'm janee who wants to be a school teacher and help kids who likes to cook soup.
Nope. Now I'm the registered crazy bird lady of the class who doesn't know what she's doing with her life. Sweeeeet.
In any case, here I am at work, staring out the window at what looks to be a beautiful sunny day but in all actuality, it is brutally cold on the other side of my big picture windows. My bosses are taking a long cocktail lunch and I'm pacing around trying to decompress from a terribly stressful morning visit courtesy of the state of Ohio licensing compliance board. I guess I'm in charge of a lot, but it's one of those jobs that "anyone can do" and therefore, they do not pay much. I bullshit online a lot, but kinda check and make sure that we are in compliance with the different states that we operate in and file quarterly reports and blah blah blah. Point being, it's one of those things that no one really notices until something goes wrong.
Not like anything went terrible this morning, but a short stocky guy with a wheeze came in with super amazing glasses and at least 30 years my senior and much the wiser for it. He came in and talked with my dude-boss for about an hour before I got paged into his office. It doesn't take much to get me shaking like a leaf and in a matter of 4.8 seconds after one question, I swore I kinda almost peed myself. I guess there was a compliance issue that I thought was resolved but indeed was not resolved and we were out of compliance and my boss was flipping.... but then after a half an hour of my heart in my throat, I remembered what I knew all along; that I knew what I was doing and we actually didn't need it.
And I have no idea why I'm spouting this all out into the cyber-world. Maybe I am just reaffirming why I don't keep a blog and haven't kept one in so long... namely because I'm boring and all I can talk about at work is work. So I guess this is the part where I move on to my personal life.
I think the major thing that is going on right now (being winter, the most boooooring time of year in Ohio) is that I just started class. Granted, it's one class at the local college and I just found out that it counts for absolutely nothing, but whatever. I like being in school and learning stuff all the time. I get stagnant and not fun if I sit around for too long. So I signed up for some journalism class thinking maybe I would get back into school and become a magazine writer or something. I don't know.... why not pile on the worthless majors. This week it's magazine journalism, last week I wanted to go back for interior design, a year ago I was going to Akron for anthropology... I think I'm cursed with the too many options and not enough focus disease.
In Germany, students at the ripe age of 14 must take a test which will determine what they are going to do with the rest of their lives. (yeah, stress?) This test is administered in 9th grade and whatever your marks are determines if you will continue on in school or if you will move into an apprenticeship with someone who is pursuing the field that you are to enter.
I guess modern day Germany is no match for just a few centuries back with the major social stratification of the proletariat vs. the bougeois where your family would determine your place in the world (oh fuck, I'd be making finn tubing for air conditioners and refrigerators in a dank garage out back 10 non-working cars for the rest of my life... or on the other side of my family, i would be an engineer for airplanes, which I guess wouldn't be terrible... but then again, I would probably just be the little housewife of an engineer.)
I think that the point of my indecision is not that I do not have the ability to do anything, but rather the possibility to do too many things.
The problem with searching for a job is the actual decision and convincing myself that this is what i'm going to do ---for the rest of my life life life ....
It's terribly scary and I tend to get bored of things after about a year, which sucks because then I'm a novice at everything, expert of nothing. That and the fact that all the things that I want to do are the typical things that every twenty-something year old girl dreams of doing... well, plus an aviary that I tote around with me. This only means that there is a huge pool of twenty something girls who would love to start up a bistro or work as a freelance writer or at a vet clinic or whatnot. What ambitious young whelp is going to say "oh god, how I would love to work the front desk of a mortgage broker business in -shittown- ohio, making a salary that's well below the poverty line".
I think this whole rant is spawning from the cruel and utter embarrassment that I was dealt yesterday, staring at the floor, in front of the entire class on the first day of school.
It was one of those dumb assignments that everyone hates where you interview one of your classmates; find out their hopes and dreams and where they grew up and whatnot in 5 minutes and then just give the highlights while people pretend to be interested.
Mine kinda went...
Name: Janee
Employed at: mortgage broker's office
Major: Undecided
Career Goals: Undecided
Why you took this class: Undecided
Something Unique: uh.. I own 50 birds.... although my ever-sweet interviewer when introducing me to the class emphasized the "really, total weirdness" of this to which the entire class responded with laughter, which I guess means that they were awake which is kinda good, but it just meant that I stared more intently at my shoes as all the blood from my quickly beating heart rushed to my face. As I scurried back to my desk, I thought over and over -why didn't I just say I'm janee who wants to write a novel who likes drinking beer or I'm janee who wants to be a school teacher and help kids who likes to cook soup.
Nope. Now I'm the registered crazy bird lady of the class who doesn't know what she's doing with her life. Sweeeeet.
1 comment:
"Whelp" is such a good work, love. Not depressed. Missing you, but not depressed.
Post a Comment