After only a month in therapy and reassessing my goals in life, I am right now sitting at work, enduring my final 2 weeks notice. I'm in my last days here at the mortgage company and I honestly don't know what's coming. I do know that I'm getting talkative again, laughing more and there's an excitement in the air that ranges a bit beyond the scent of spring with the melting snow.
On the same day that I turned in my 2 weeks notice at the desk job, I was interviewed for a greenhouse position. I guess I just wrote down all the jobs that I would be good at and enjoy and the greenhouse was pretty high. It's creative and outside and most importantly, it's not really focused in the "business" world. I think I have a lot of trouble wrapping my head around the idea that the head of a company can send their kids to private schools and disneyland 7 times a year and buy them new cars before they even have licenses... but the bottom of the totem pole people just sit behind their desks, staring at a picture of their kids thinking about just putting in their time to get home to help with their kids homework - the highlight of their day.
I don't think that you should do something that you don't like to do. And it's pretty easy to slip into it. I guess it's a comfortable spot to be in with the security of having a job and whenever I would wake up and not want to go in, I'd say to myself well... at least you have a job.
But le sigh... my brain is always in overtime. I would just sit here and spend the money as fast as I could make it to try to make myself cheer up or to try to challenge myself. I kept reading about these things (wikipedia is both my best friend and worst enemy at times) and then I'd want to do them, but wouldn't have time, but would have some cash in my account, and with internet access, ebay was always so close. After awhile, my house became cluttered with unfinished projects with the best of intentions and I swear 8 hours out of your day will make you so tired by the time you get home... it's unbearable. So I'd wait for the weekends, but when the weekends would roll around, the backlog was soo thick that I couldn't prioritize.... and the vicious cycle continues.
I like the people that I work with a lot. They are nice. I just don't care too much for the job.
I also got stuck when thinking of things that I want to do. It seems as though I detest the business world with terrible loathing, but oddly enough, I also hate the creative world. Maybe because the creative world always puts that little focus on the dollars that it can make from being pretty instead of focusing on doing things for the sake of doing things. I was torn with interior design for so long because it seems to me as though art is wasted on the rich. It's not accessible. It's stale and hanging in some mansion in the west wing that's only used on the fifth saturday in may for a women's tea. If I would design a house, it wouldn't be a real house. It would be one that someone would be bored with the silk couch and want something different. No one is really going to see it. No one is really going to care.
So what about fashion design. That's fun... but I can imagine hating it and the ever changing "what's new for fall" attitude.
Even just walking around the art building sometimes made me a bit nauseous in the way that people fed into such bullshit while condemning others for the expressions.
So design is out and selling is out and brokering is out. I like playing in the dirt, but even farmers now-a-days have 9-5 jobs to support the losing industry that is their plot of land. So I guess I like hobby farming, but I'm not sure where exactly I can go with it.
Now that I've ruled out what I'd be good at, but wouldn't enjoy, I whittled down the rest into something that I can actually base my life along with my living wage. I think working in a greenhouse is a good first step. I guess I would be pretty happy working at a food co-op or at a horse barn, but I'll take what I can get. And the best part about the interview is their focus on organic gardening. I walked out of there only feeling mildly like a hippie, but we discussed PBS and DDT and orchids and I might have mentioned my chickens because it's kinda hard to go a half hour without talking about them.
But anyway, I think it's a step in the right direction. The next step is building more pens for all the new additions to the High Mill farm that are coming into fruition. I got a new kid that should be coming right around my birthday, even though my parents swear they don't want one. he's so cute, you just can't say no.
So that's what's happening. Oh, and I've found a new-found obsession with quail eggs. They are just beautiful
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