sisters are silly

so my sister came into town which is more of a soul searching -what the fuck- expedition than a visit. most of the time i wonder how we can be related. the other part of the time is spent wondering what planet her brain is on because it's not here.
she's soooo weird. and i'm not talking about weird like -15 yr olds think their parents are weird- weird. i'm talking about all out -what the hell is she thinking- weird.

so she came into town. i got the band booked at a local place in akron so that she could come see us play. i couldn't tell if she was texting or trying to take pictures for the most part. she kinda liked it i guess because after we were finished, she told me that i should go on american idol. (as a sidenote, i dislike american idol and would in all honesty not make it past the first round... and that's just not me being self-depricating or anything, i'm just not cut out for super pop music marketed en masse.) then she bought an excessive amount of really good beers, as it was going to be only us two, and went back to my house to chain smoke on my back porch and call chip with updates.
and yes, if you were wondering, she is still with chip; the 40-something yr old abusive jerk who calls her malleable, who threw her cell phone/wallet/purse out the window of a moving car, who punched her windshield out, who strangled her while drunk one night.... eh, you get the idea. so she's still with him, not living with him, just still "in love" although i'm not sure how it can be love if it's based on her lying to him and him being jealous of everything that she does. she says he's changed, but anyone who has ever seen a lifetime movie knows that he hasn't... but then again, that's coming from the network where everyone's "first time" ends in teenage pregnancy. but on the other hand, statistically speaking if he has a history of violence, then he is extremely more likely to do it again. but then again, if you think that everyone who has been violent will continue to be violent cannot believe in the court system or any sort of reform and while i may be a cynic, i'd like to think that people are not inherently evil or anything.
so i guess here's these two polarities. on the one hand, she's headstrong and says she's in love and she very well could be if love also comes in the form of pathological lying and manipulative jealousy. so maybe i'm just being stupid and i should be happy for her that she's found someone that she wants to buy a house with and marry and make babies with. *shudder* ick blah ick.
on the other hand, that's my sister and i know she's malleable and he should just stay the fuck away from her and go live his life somewhere else where he can't hurt her.

and it's funny but the topic of conversation rested quite a bit on illegal immigration, which i of course do not agree with her staunch stance on deporting everyone, along with the topic of babies. now, admittedly, that's not something that i think about often. i think that babies kinda remind me of overripe melons with squishy skulls that have an odd odor about them even when they have not soiled themselves. they are kinda cool, i guess, but it's never been anything that i'm crazy about. they are just kinda there.
but... my sister really wants one.

ick.


i repeat ick.


so i don't know. i think after a couple really good beers, i referred her to a sperm bank where she can pick what traits she would like to mate herself up with to create a good kid. amazingly enough she wasn't really offended by that, in fact, i don't think that she caught my cynicism at all because she kept right on plowing through with -baby-baby-buy-a-house-and-get-married-and-more-babies talk. it was really weird. she talked about this perfect life almost down to the color of her walls and the two kids and the backyard and all that, but then it seemed like as a sidenote she would insert chip in there. it's like, tomorrow i'm going to go to the store and buy milk and eggs and then get my nails done and then go to the gym and then go home and go to bed and i'm really happy about it all... and i'm going to do it with chip. i think in english, that's the passive noun where if the sentence started out with the name of the person, that would be more active. e.g. chip and i are going to the store to buy milk etc.
now, i thought about this and that could mean a few things. for one, maybe she's trying to convince me that this life will make her happy and she's just trying to slip the douchebag in there like i'm not going to notice. kinda like a list of things that are in the fridge that you could eat for dinner "honey, i have steak or baked beans or pork chops or worm castings and rotten cabbage" to which the reply would be "sounds great".

... and yes, i did just compare chip to worm castings and rotten cabbage.

another reason for the blah blah blah, oh and with chip sentence structure could be that she just wants this perfect life that she's been dreaming about forever and ever and she's got it all planned out and the best candidate for right now is that guy over there that she keeps sleeping with because she can't find anyone better.


i don't know. as the night progressed she called up chip and said that we were going to bed right then when she knew we weren't and then her fake confession that she has a problem with lying and she doesn't know why.
duh.
if you are dating a boy that hates when you talk to other boys and gets mad at you when you do, are you really going to tell him who you talk to?

i just don't understand how you can really build a relationship on being excited about watching two nights of american idol together on your flat screen.


le sigh, so that's my sister and this is my frustration. sometimes i think that if i can just put it down on paper, these calculations would jump out at me and tell me how to proceed or that there is some sort of pattern that i could take and dodge for the next time or something. but alas, here i am thinking -on one hand - but on the other hand- with little if no resolve. i do know that it bothers me and i'm in the same position that i'm always in; if i say too much, she retreats and doesn't talk, but if i say nothing then will i lose her completely?
damned if i do, damned if i don't.