I'm having one of those terribly frustrating days that never seems to start. It's the kind of day that makes you want to kick your dog, throw your cell phone out the window, get in your car and just drive and cry about nothing and everything.
It's this weird twisting frustration winding around inside me, wrapping up everything that is going on, sewing together little pieces of the minor daily tragedies to make a quilt of all the things I've done wrong. I fear my temper in the end might get the best of me, and recently this super emotional wave has engulfed pretty much all of my friends and washed away all sense of my self worth.
I'm at this point right now where everything is ending and I can't get my footing right for the next step. I've been angry and frustrated with everything; Jason, the band, my fam, the looming wedding, the ending job, the end of the growing season.
I keep having these fantasies, mostly about fleeing everything; working as a migrant laborer in South America or the vineyards in Europe... or having dreams about getting pregnant and then just jumping in my car and driving until I ran out of gas and money in some town where no one knows me and I could start clean with my new kid.
I don't know. I think I just need to slow down and breath. I have the sweetest little puppy that I really shouldn't feel like kicking. My big to do list for the week only has one thing crossed off. The rest involve more than one step...
Ok, just typing that made me call the butcher and set the pigs date. That was easy. Two things off the list now.
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