I can't shake this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I know I shouldn't care, but I'm having trouble with dealing with things as of late.

I feel this overwhelming pressure building up to the point where I can't breath. I don't know, maybe it's just allergies but it's getting hard to swallow too. I'm going to get a neti pot today to see if that helps.

But really what's bothering me is a bad review. Well, I'm not sure that it's bad. 3 stars isn't bad, right? I mean, that's like a B- or something. It's not what I was going for.
Back to the beginning-- I'm on localharvest, which is how I sell my shares and meat and whatnot. I've been dying for a review for awhile, but then when one finally came, I'm not sure what I expected.
I mean, she said what I already knew. And she got the cheapo smallest size you could get. You could see the look on her face when she picked up her basket that was smaller than everyone else's and I knew it couldn't feed her as a vegetarian or her two toddlers and husband.

But I just don't like seeing every other farm around getting 5 stars and glowing reviews and my lonely 3 star review being a -thanks but no thanks- note.



ok..... i'm not going to let it ruin my day. well, i'm not going to let that and my overdraft park account ruin my day. ugh.

I'm also kinda freaking out because I read that you can't feed scraps to pigs. It's against the law. But Travis works at an old people's home and he collects everything fresh off the plate and feeds it to the pigs. I guess that's not allowed. Only table scraps from your household. So now I'm looking at my four little piggies going -now what?

i need to turn around. i need to get out of bed. i need a shower. i need screens in my windows. i need to take the dog out. i

springtime grouchy's?

sometimes i feel like my entire existence is barely held together by a thin thread, sewn haphazardly to make a quilt that could fall apart with a slight tug. or a kid with simple blocks, putting one on top of the other in such rapid succession that the inevitable tumble or fear thereof is completely overshadowed by the enthralling nature of the act of building.

i am not math. i cannot calculate my life like chess moves and i have no idea where i'm going next at any given time.


i think i am both intrigued and repulsed by this quality. i think i like being impulsive, but sometimes when this trait is mirrored back to me, i loathe it to an extent unimaginable.


and it's only been in the past week that the blocks i've been building up in my idea of where my life is going in the year 2009 came crashing down. it's like everything tumbles at the same time; bouncing checks, rain cancels work, my ankles and knees scream that they can't take it anymore, the tractor breaks, my brakes in my car are starting to go on strike --- and i get this twitch in my eye and suddenly my time becomes so precious.
i need to get the greenhouse in working order. i have classes to prepare for, peas to plant, dogs to train, sheep to house, fences to fix, grapes to prune............
i'm starting to become exhausted and am dying for a vacation, but then that would stretch my time even thinner.


I guess on a brighter note, last wed was pretty awesome. I had a potato planting class where I got 20 bucks for playing in the gardens and answering questions, and i got my potatoes in the ground as a bonus. aaaaand someone else kinda planted them.

My sister wants to bring home a couple alpacas. You have to give them shots once a month and they need a house a bit more substantial than the shipping boxes i have the goats in at the moment. They need proper fencing. I'm running out of csa money fast.

I guess it's always going to be like this- bored all winter and thinking up ten hundred new projects for the growing season, then when spring does hit it's like a pile of bricks sending me into sore-shock and grouchy-ness with a healthy side of time crunching and a bit of dirt for dessert


but really when i think about it, would i / could i have it any other way?