help

So the answer to the previous post is a no answer on a cell phone. pfft. so much for trying.


in any case, i'm having a couple of things go a bit wrong, but hey, what's new.
first - i'm broke. not just broke but completely and hopelessly broke. i'm almost a thousand dollars behind in payments on my student loan. one of my paychecks is only 200 dollars. you can see my dilemna. what happened is i was behind a month, which made the total be 250 dollars, which meant that i had to wait to collect two paychecks as i cannot seem to keep more than a dollar in my checking account at any given time. but then by the time i got the 250, there was another bill and it was up to $375. geez! that's two whole paychecks. which started getting me down a bit. and i'm behind on chase and my substidized student loan. goodbye credit score.

so all of this has me thinking about that great dichotomy in my life. the choice between having money and being unhappy or being broke but loving life.
and every day i keep thinking that the whole loving life thing is quite a bit contingent on having money. and i rack my brain every day for ways to rectify this problem. just a few minutes ago when i was trying to figure out how to defer my student loans, i almost checked the box that i was going back to school. that would take care of the whole deferment thing. but then again, that would also add to the debt. and what the hell would i go to school for anyway, which is probably why i have not gone that route.

and it's funny, but i stopped going to my therapist because, well, i was paying her $50 an hour out of my pocket for her to listen to my blabber on about how my life is going and honestly, it didn't really get me anywhere. i liked going there because i could vent, but at the same time, i kept coming home and doing the same goddamn things with the same results.



so here i am, on my own and trying to figure it out. i have a wet dog in my lap, my feet are quite a bit cold, and my stomach is curling up into knots. the idea of becoming a waitress is looming with more and more impending doom. i can't put off my loans any longer. i can't seem to make the bills.
and yet i'm held back by this strange feeling that i owe everyone something. like everything that anyone has given to me, i need to repay back ten fold. i guess that's why i never care much for quitting jobs. it just seems strange to me that a business would spend money on training you and you just turn around and leave. i keep thinking that if i can just work around my current job, i'm sure i'll find something perfect that could supplament it.
and maybe i have. i'm interviewing for a mentor program for inner city kids in canton. it's from 5 - 8pm every day, which is nice because my winter hours at the nursery are 10 - 3 which leaves a bit of time for a nap in between. i guess all that i know is i can't have a full time job. i suck at those, unless they are active or i get to change up where i am.

anyway, i went to the akron children's hospital website and wanted to apply to work with kids there, but i ended up filling out an application to be a cleaning lady. they still haven't gotten back to me.
i just submitted my resume to work in the office of levin furniture for nights and weekends. i think that might be one step up from working with food, although sadly when i saw the now hiring sign outside of burger king, i did think about it for a second. hah. how about that. i'm paying my student loans with my salary from burger king.





in any case, that's life i guess.




the neverending job / money thing continues. but i also have another stresser right now that's kinda stressing me. jason.

ok, so this kid is great. always eager to help and we have fun together and plan things. pretty much we are the same person, only split into two bodies. he gets excited about the same things that i get excited about and we certainly get into a lot of mischeif together. i think that he eggs me on in some of my endeavors, but whatever. we'll save that for another time.
anyway, his downfall is the same thing that i fret over a lot, only he doesn't fret. he has no money. he's living at spring hill for free. he works a job with hours so flexible, he doesn't really have to go in on any given day.

well, now he's moving out of his place for free. he has nowhere to live, and a job that doesn't pay him enough to get a new place.


this means i'm freaking out. and he is a bit worried now as well. he turned in his two weeks notice at spring hill and was planning on moving out, but he just doesn't know where. which makes me nervous as i'm sitting here with my car full of his stuff, wondering where i'm going to dump it.
now don't get me wrong, it's not that i don't like him and all. i do. it's just this claustaphobic feeling is coming pretty hard at me again and i don't think that there is anyway he could move in and work fixing the house in exchange for rent. in a relationship that's evil in the eyes of the lord, no less.

pretty simply, define hell. yup. something like that.


so i'm hoping upon hope that he gets a place and fast. i'm definately going to miss his old house at spring hill. granted, it did kinda suck when i slept over only to wake up to a busload of kids taking a tour and i had to sneak out the back door with my bra under my arm, trying not to make a sound as i ran down the super long driveway, but hey... it's better than my house - at least he had heat.


today is my day off, which usually is about reprieve or getting something done or feeling better about yourself, but i'm not feeling that today. i don't even have $5 to run down and get a 40 and some cigs so i can sit on my back porch and whine about my situation. i owed the movie rental place that and they happily took it.


ok, now to clean up dog poop as mingah has lost all control of her back end. yuck